DIRTY ROTTEN LAKELAND, FL

"Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" on tour...

It's a good thing our departure time was as early as it was because it is already 4 pm by the time we arrive in Lakeland. The Holiday Inn is, as usual, in the middle of nowhere so there is precious little to do but take advantage of the laundry facilities, surf the agonizingly slow Internet or wander the aisles of Boutique Target (it's pronounced Tar-jhay).

The bus call is 7pm for an 8pm curtain, Things are going fine until we close in on the theatre and encounter total grid-lock. We try to flatter ourselves into believing that the chaos is caused by the waves of people coming to see us, but there is another large venue in the performance center and it is the combination of the two that creating havoc. We decide that it will actually be faster to get out and walk, so Lady D opens the door and lets us pour out into the frozen traffic, creating our usual spectacle. Unsure of where the stage door is as we approach the complex, we make a full-frontal assault on the front entrance and give the front of house ushers a heart attack as we storm the doors for the theatre shouting, "We're the cast, we're the cast!" The show has sold well and even though we fear that they are another group of retired Republicans, they turn out to be a pretty good audience.

To take advantage of the sun, a few of us do a group yoga session on the grass the next morning and manage to find our inner peace in spite of the noise from the freeway. Eventually it becomes clear that there was a small contingent of people who went to Hooter's and got ridiculously drunk the night before. There is a noticeable dip in the Florida fresh water supply as they all try to rehydrate themselves. Despite the ashen skin and stories of puking, there is already plans for another outing once the night has fallen.