DIRTY ROTTEN LOVELOCK

The national tour of "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels"

It's true that Fresno was cold. It's true that downtown was a desolate, post-nuclear waste land. It's true that we were warned not to walk alone at night. But all of that is forgiven in light of the fact that Fresno provided us with two of the best audiences we've had on the tour yet. After our first show, we didn't think there was any way that our second night audience could compare, but we were wrong. They laughed. They hooted. They broke into spontaneous applause and they leapt to their feet. It was an auspicious beginning for our second leg, especially when you consider that we had an understudy on in a lead role for both shows.

The morning brings us the first glimmer of sunshine we've seen in California. It is a weak, coppery sun that offers no warmth, but we drink it in. Except, of course, for those that stayed up waaay too late and drank waaay to much with our director last night. Those vampire-like creatures stumble onto the bus, reeking of alcohol, eyes shielded from the light, skin glowing an un-natural yellow.

Our company manager lets us know that we will be going through the famous Donner Pass on our journey today (Yes, it's named after the wagon-train party that got stranded there and ate each other). He speaks excitedly about the extraordinary elevations we'll be reaching, forgetting that we are Canadian. When you grow up skiing Lake Louise in the Canadian Rockies all you can think about The Donner Pass is....."It's LIKE a mountain, only smaller". Still, the scenery is beautiful. We stop in a place called Carfax for lunch. The air is crisp and fresh. All is peaceful, green and serene. It reminds me of Canmore.

We quickly descend into the Nevada side of the mountains and the sunset is stunning. We arrive at our destination, our lodging for the evening, Sturgeon's Motel and Casino in Lovelock, Nevada. Lovelock, a drop of arm-pit sweat in the middle of nowhere. The scrolling sign outside the hotel proclaims, "WELCOME HUNTERS". We are in another world.

The casino is virtually empty. I order an Absolut on the rocks and am hardly surprised by my first taste. I drink enough vodka to know that it isn't really Absolut, or that it has been watered down. There are two poker tables, but no dealers. There are plenty of slot machines and video poker, but they are all penny or nickel machines.....hardly gambling. You know how some people say that gambling is just throwing away your money? Well, I've ACTUALLY thrown away more money than I could lose playing penny slots! I decide to retreat to my room and vegetate.

Clearly, we have become a group spoiled by Doubletree and Radisson as we all cringe upon entering our rooms. In reality, this is exactly the kind of place that most of us would stay in to save money. As I kneel at the bathroom sink to brush my teeth, I'm impressed at how considerate they were to build the counters low enough for people in wheel chairs. The next morning, I hear that very few people had any hot water for showers and Sarah tells me that, when the train went by in the night, her bed shook.