THE SPA CHRONICLES: The Nut Cracks At Last

The jet lag is slowly wearing off. Instead of waking up at 5:00 a.m. I am now waking up closer to 8:00. I should have my body clock back on schedule by the time I have to leave. (insert scrinchy face)

On this morning, I simply can’t face the hideous instant coffee anymore. After one cup of that swill, I jump on my scooter and head to Fisherman’s Village in Bophut. This is a quaint, though very touristy area, packed with restaurants, tour operators and chachki shops. 

There is also a very good coffee shop, Karma Sutra, where I can curl up in a Thai-style day-bed, with a REAL cup of coffee, and either watch the shop keepers opening their stores, or read the local newspaper, or just gaze out to sea. 

My desperation for coffee becomes clear to me when I realize that I am drinking a latte, the world’s hottest beverage, in an open-air coffee shop where the outside temperature is already verging on 35 Celsius (91F). My face is flushed, my entire body is slick with sweat, and yet I continue to sip the sweet, seductive flavour of real coffee. It is worth every drop of moisture lost through my over-worked pores. 

I decide to extend my peaceful morning and take a brief walk down the narrow street.  I love the quiet at this hour, the stray dogs,  the tiny stores crammed with crap, the restaurants setting their tables out on the beach.

 Once a week, this narrow street is completely closed off to traffic and turned into a "walking street". Vendors put their tables out, restaurants add outdoor seating and the whole atmosphere becomes very genial and carnival-like. Each community on Samui has a walking street on a different night. One night Chaweng, one night Lamai, one night Fisherman's Village, etc.

I head back to my scooter, stopping to dip my toes in the ocean on the way. The air is so hot that the ocean feels like bathwater and offers no relief from the heat. No matter. There is shopping to do.

I make a stop at a little store just outside of Bophut to buy the boys some Thai fisherman's pants. I’ve wanted them in some kind of a uniform since the beginning, another thing that Ajay never got around to doing. The selection at this store is small, but the price is certainly right. I settle on a deep green and negotiate a price for 6 pairs. I can’t put together too many sentences in Thai, but I’m good with the numbers, and I usually get a discount just for the attempt at bartering in Thai. 

Next stop, HomePro for a few small items. I want every customer to receive a cool foot-wash while they decide what services they want, so I'll need a basin. Also, I’d like everyone to be served home-made, chilled, ginger tea on arrival, so I'll need a pitcher. As well, there are a few other small supplies that are needed. On my way out of the store, while trying to fit my purchases onto the scooter, I hear a monkey howling in the trees nearby and am reminded that I am on a tropical, jungle island. Reality creeps in at the strangest times.

Packing the car, island-style

Back at the spa, I unload my purchases and explain what everything is for and when and how they are to be used. PP decides to use me as the test case for the first foot wash before he gives me a massage. There’s something nice about having your feet bathed in cool water when you’re in a hot country. And the boys float orchid blossoms in the water, which I think is a lovely touch.

I opt for an aloe vera massage from PP. It is, well, terrible. Truly terrible. Possibly one of the worst massages I’ve ever had, and as a long time massage-whore,  I’ve had some pretty bad massages. He splashes the ice cold aloe vera onto my back, instead of putting it on his hands first. He is a tiny man, which is fine, but doesn’t know how to use his body weight to apply pressure, and his tiny hands have no strength either. His massage has no structure and he moves from body part to body part at random. It’s even possible that he pulled a muscle in my neck from twisting my arms awkwardly while I was lying on my stomach. I am less than impressed. Dumbfounded, even.

I take care of a few more administrative things, and chat with Ajay online about Mr. Nut.  Ajay promises that Nut will show up tonight. When I am finished, it is past cocktail hour, and I haven’t eaten much of anything all day. So, back to Pride Bar it is.

More drinks, more socializing, more avoiding Terry, and then, eternally optimistic as I am, I head off once again to Ajay’s spa to (hopefully) meet the elusive Mr. Nut. 

As I pull up to Ajay’s place, he is also just arriving. He tells me that he actually went in search of Mr. Nut, found him in a bar and dragged him out, demanding that he show up for the meeting. A very un-Thai-like move for Ajay, but an effective one. A few minutes later, Mr. Nut arrives. 

Mr. Nut is nervous, and clearly uncomfortable. I'm sure he feels like he's in front of a tribunal, so I tell him that I simply want to hear his story and give him a chance to defend himself. I let him know that Ajay is present to act as translator, so speaking in Thai is fine if it allows for more detail and/or comfort. The first move is mine, apologizing for the way Mr. Nut was ejected from the spa with no warning and no money.  I tell Nut all the things that PP told me about him and ask him to give his version of the story. It is, as one might expect, the complete opposite of PP’s version. I ask Ajay to translate very clearly, (by using not-polite Thai), if there is any truth to PP’s allegations of Nut having drugs at the spa, stressing, again, that drugs are unforgivable and that I asked PP to obtain proof before taking any action.  Nut is absolutely emphatic about never once, ever having had drugs at the spa, and insists that there's no possible way PP could have evidence to the contrary.  I look to Ajay for his take on it all since Nut has worked for Ajay and they know each other well. A quick nod from Ajay confirms that I should believe Mr. Nut’s story. And I do believe him. It is clear that he has suffered at the hands of the child-tyrant PP.

I offer Mr. Nut my thanks, and a few thousand Baht as an apology for the difficulty he went through trying to find a place to live, and I send him on his way. Ajay is looking at me, waiting for my thoughts. I tell him that I feel like I have to fire PP. Ajay agrees, and reminds me that it looks as though PP gets rid of anyone who either questions his authority, or knows too much about him. I have no actual proof that PP is stealing from me, but it’s pretty clear that there are many things that he’s hiding and/or lying about. 

I tell Ajay that I will fire PP in the morning. Ajay thinks it’s best and says that he will keep his phone turned off because he doesn’t want any calls from PP begging for work.  

I am too stressed out to return to Pride Bar. I go back to my apartment, pour a vodka from the freezer and slip into the pool to gaze at the stars. My head is spinning, my stomach is churning. I've never had to fire anyone before.