Actor in Exile: THE SPA CHRONICLES: No, I Am Not A Drug Lord

Upon receiving Ajay’s first text about the police, my curiosity is piqued, but I am not immediately on guard. It’s not uncommon for the police to be at the spa. They stop by regularly to pick up their bribe. Every month. One thousand Baht per month for the police and the same for the army. Everyone up and down our street does it. You just add it to your rent and consider it part of your budget. However, when I receive the text saying that staff has been arrested, I call him immediately. He informs me that three of the boys have been taken away on drug charges. I’m surprised no one in my hotel calls the police when they hear me scream, “AJAY, WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!”.

On the up side, there is no need for us to endure the discomfort of having to fire them. The police take care of that. Two of them receive a 3 year sentence, and the third one gets 25 years! Given the severity of the sentence, it’s safe to assume that they were dealing drugs out of my spa. One of the boys at the spa turned the other three in to the police because he didn’t want to be involved. This is a good thing because his testimony keeps Ajay and I in the clear.

Somehow, I resist the urge to give Ajay an, “I told you so” over the whole drug incident. Perhaps I’m hopeful that the event itself will serve as a lesson. And more importantly, there are larger matters to attend to as we suddenly had no staff.

Enter Mr. Long, real name Wuttipong Pangpromma, and Mr. PP, real name Phonphipat Chatmontree. (Remember, they choose their own English names. Nothing to do with me!) Mr. Long used to run his own spa which had recently closed, and I’m not entirely sure where Ajay found Mr. PP. Regardless, I am thrilled because I am suddenly getting daily communication from my staff. I want to hire one of them as a manager as soon as possible so that I can begin to rely less on Ajay, and more on someone that will actually communicate with me. Mr. Long is the clear choice since he knows the business and speaks English and German, but he doesn’t seem to care one way or the other. Mr. PP on the other hand makes a hard-core pitch for the position, sending me pictures of how he is decorating the spa as well as his marketing ideas. His pitch is in Thai since his English is minimal, making him the lesser candidate, but he lobbies me for weeks. Eventually, we agree that he will manage the spa with guidance from Mr. Long who will also help him with English.

PP decorates

Things are looking up and, for the first time I am enjoying actually running my spa. I spend a fair amount of time on the phone with the boys hearing stories about Ajay’s mother interfering with the running of the business, stories about Ajay’s absence, and, of course, the sudden (and on-going) nose-dive in tourism on Koh Samui. The recent installation of a military government, martial law in Bangkok, a drop in the Euro and a highly publicized murder on neighbouring island Koh Tao are scaring tourists away in droves. Picking up the challenge, I set about listing the spa on various websites, placing advertisements in the local “what to do” magazines, and I co-sponsored the TSG Games which will be held on Samui in September.

Our empty street

Through this period, I communicate very little with Ajay. Mr. PP sends financial reports to both Ajay and I, but Ajay is mostly focused on his insurance selling. At some point along the way, Mr. Long quietly fades out of sight, which, in hindsight, should have set off my alarm bells. Alas, it did not. So PP and I communicate via translation apps, which is tedious and hellishly frustrating. There’s no such thing as a simple translation from English to Thai, so I develop the habit of translating into Thai, then back into English in order to make myself clear. When, “Did you fix the shower” translates to “Editing room”, a simple 3 minute conversation becomes a 23 minute one.

Still, things carry on relatively happily for a time, with PP sending me his redecorating pics along with pics of himself and the boys, always promising to look after the spa until I return.

PP's decorating and advertising.