Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Old and Mouthy




At what age is it that people suddenly decide that it's OK to just speak their mind. To say what ever they want to say, to whomever they want to say it to, regardless of whether or not it's appropriate. I'm speaking specifically of the elderly here. We've all met them, and perhaps even have one or two of them in the family. They are the ones that blurt out things that, had they come from a younger person, would normally incite a fist-fight, particularly since the recipient of the barb is often a total stranger.

"Oh honey, you shouldn't wear that, it makes you look fat."

There are, of course, those people that have been out-spoken their whole lives, but those individuals tend to be the smaller percentage and are in a different category all together. They usually come with a reputation, built up over a life-time, and are often the local 'old coot' or 'bitter spinster'. They work hard to maintain this reputation as it keeps the unwanted at arms-length.

"My goodness, you're as black as the ace of spades, aren't you?"

No, the people I'm curious about are the ones that seem to flip a switch, waking up one morning and deciding that they have nothing left to lose. They fear not for their jobs because they no longer have them, they fear not for their personal reputations because they're old enough to not give a shit about status, and they fear not what others will think of them because they seem to be able to focus purely on themselves and their own needs.

"Are you pregnant, dear, or just spending a little too much time at the buffet?"

I remember watching Tina Turner on television with a room full of people when my Grandfather caused me to nearly swallow my tongue by announcing to the room, "A nigger with red hair? Now I've seen everything!" Try as I might, there was no way I could impress upon him the myriad of social taboos he had just unleashed.

"Heavens, you're so short you must have a hard time finding clothes that fit."

I have a theory about this. I believe that our world shrinks as we age. We need less space, we consume less, we do less, we see less, we hear less, we begin to create a smaller and smaller world around ourselves. I think that eventually, we judge everything by how it affects us and our shrinking world. We pay less and less attention to the opinions of the masses, the pundits, the press, the family, social mores and political correctness and comment loudly and clearly on those things on which we have focused our microscope.

"Don't bother bringing me coffee unless it's hot enough. I don't like coffee that isn't hot enough. Is it hot enough? I hope it's hot enough."

Perhaps these folks long for a time when the aged were venerated and given elevated status. Or perhaps a culture where us young'uns line up to hear them dispense the wisdom of their times. Perhaps I too will long for such a time when I am shuffling and mumbling.

"When I was your age..."

Is it wrong of me to tell them to shut up?

3 comments:

Patrick R. Brown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Patrick R. Brown said...

COMMENT FROM MY MOM

...I believe a large part of my life's job is to become who I am - like honing an acting role, and at the end of life pared down to the essentials of being fully soul-driven. Those who have not engaged in that process remain thoughtless, bigoted, insensitive, belligerent, mindlessly correct, egocentric rather than soulcentric. It is true there are those who think simply because they have been on the earth a long time they are in charge and always right - have to say in my experience that tends to be old men, a remnant from the times the male sex ruled absolutely. Yes, both your grandfathers belong in that category... The unexamined life - if I rule it certainly won't occur to me I need to change because whatever I say/do is right.
All that said, I think may be true as we age we become more confident, therefore less concerned about what others think - just speaking for myself. Looking back I can see where I should have spoken up, reacted differently, but was restrained because of being unsure or timid...Another part of life's job is to get over what your parents did to you........
Hugs, mom

Lenard said...

There is a change that occurs at 80, people stop fighting their age and start owning it, for better or worse. Into their 70s, people will lie about their age, act like they are in their prime, then at 80 something goes click and it's "I'm old, get over it". Suddenly they're likely to overstate their age... "I'm almost 90". And there is a big "...so f*** off" about this. Not sure why some people turn nasty, I think about this often when I meet some nasty old bint, and I wonder when it happened, or if they had always been jerks on the inside, and finally stopped repressing it. You should definitely call them on it, and there is a good chance they won't care.