How To Get Good Service

It is a common misconception that the servants in the great estate homes of turn-of-the-century England kept their heads down and their mouths shut. Not true. It was not unheard of for a servant to tell a Master or Mistress that they had over-stepped their bounds or acted inappropriately. Lady Astor and her maid of twenty-odd years were known to have regular, epic shouting matches. The point being that an unspoken contract exists between those who serve and those who are being served and it is important that BOTH sides understand how the system works.

Part of being 'in exile' is working in the service industry, namely, restaurants. Day after day, I witness people who don't understand what their obligations are in the unspoken contract between server and customer. If you want good service, you need to fulfill your part of the bargain. And here's the great thing about it, ...IT'S EASY! Servers love serving 'diners', those people who dine out regularly, know how a restaurant works and enjoy discovering what a restaurant (or a server) has to offer. Even if you don't dine out often, using these simple tips will give the impression that you do and you WILL notice a difference in the way servers treat you.

1) ALLOW THE HOSTESS TO SEAT YOU
This may sound overly simplified, but people fight their seating choices all the time. Understandable if you're right next to the bathroom or stuck in a back corner, but how bad can any one table really be? A good hostess will cycle customers through the various servers so that no one server gets overwhelmed with too many people at once, thus limiting the time and attention spent with new tables. If you have special requests, make them with your reservation or tell the host immediately upon arrival.


2) LOOK YOUR SERVER IN THE EYE
Again, this sounds simple, but it's very common for people to address the air or the table when speaking to a server. Also, we know you're excited to be out for the evening, or perhaps you haven't seen your friends for a long time, but your server is only going to be at your table for a few minutes and then you can carry on with your conversation. Put your menu down, stop your conversation and pay attention. Part of your server's job is to 'read' you and they have a very short time to do this. Help them help you by giving them your attention. The sooner the menus can be dispensed with, the sooner your evening can really get under way.

3)KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
If your server asks if you are ready to order, and you say, "Yes", don't sit staring at the menu making "erm" and "uhm" sounds. If you're not ready, it's all right to say so. And don't ask your server, "What do you recommend?". Many servers will just suggest the most expensive item or push what ever the kitchen is trying to get rid of. At least narrow your choices down to 2 or 3 and ask for details about them, or ask the server if they have a preference between them.


4)DON'T REWRITE THE MENU
With all due respect, if you want it the way you have it at home, then stay home, or open your own restaurant. It's one thing to ask for your salad dressing to be on the side, it's another to start pulling apart the menu creating your own dish out of scavenged pieces of all the other dishes. Good restaurants, and good chefs work hard to give a range of choices to appeal to all tastes. Try it the way the chef created it, open up to the experience, you might just like it. And please don't ask for salt & pepper if it's not on the table. Chances are that if it's not there, the chef feels that the food is already correctly seasoned.

5)DON'T HELP
Unless you have completely re-arranged the table setting or have your chair pushed so far back that access is impossible, you don't need to move glasses or coffee cups for access. Let the staff work around you, just be aware that they are there. And please, please don't stack your plates when you are finished. You are not helping and it's a sure sign that you are not a 'diner', especially if you top the dirty stack with your napkin. Keep it in your lap until you leave.



OTHER TIPS
-Pull your chair in, knees under the table. People need to be able to reach the table in front of you and they need clearance behind you. A dining room is a shared space. You're not in your living room.
-Calling your server by name doesn't automatically make them your friend. Demonstrating that you know how to dine out will gain you much more respect and attention.
-Instead of asking if there are any "specials" ask what the "daily features" might be. Good restaurants have 'features', roadside cafes have 'specials'.
-Use your words. I am so tired of people who look at me and say, "Water?" or, "Bathroom?", that I now just stare blankly back at them until they articulate what they want. "Please", "Thank-you", and "May I" have not gone out of fashion.
-Your screaming child is probably not what the other diners in the restaurant planned on for their evening. Take it out of the room or get a sitter.
-Once you have finished coffee and dessert, leave. If the evening is going very well and there is so much more to talk about, a bar or lounge can't be very far away. While you are spending that extra 40 minutes chatting after dinner, someone may be waiting for your table. And if the restaurant suddenly seems very quiet, it's probably because you are the last people there. It's time to go home.

A WORD ON TIPPING
This is a hot-button issue for some people and it is those people that need most to pay attention.

Menu prices reflect the cost of running the restaurant. Servers make a much lower minimum wage than everyone else because their tips (theoretically) make up the difference. If servers in North America were paid like servers in Europe, the menu prices would be much higher and your service would more often come with a hefty helping of attitude.

Be aware that your server pays a percentage to the bartender, hostess and bussers based on what your table BOUGHT, not what you TIPPED. If you cheap-out on the tip, your server's tip-out is being covered by what the other tables may or may not have left.
Unless you have a habit of eating at one-star restaurants, it should be a rare occasion when a "zero-tip" or a "teach-a-lesson-tip" is called for. Frankly, if you are not happy with your service, it is your obligation to say so early in the meal by calling for a manager and requesting another server. If your food was improperly prepared, but your service was good, tell a manager, don't penalize the server. If the hostess was rude or the busboy spilled coffee on your dress, tell a manager, don't penalize the server. Shorting the tip is like lecturing a cat, you might feel vindicated, but the problem is far from solved. And, if you do bring issues to the attention of management, you may find that they can be convinced to compensate you with a round of drinks or free dessert.

Bottom line - Usually your service is going to be at least adequate, which means you will leave an adequate tip (10%). Most often, your service will actually be good which means you will leave a good tip (10-15% at lunch, 15-20% at dinner). Now and then, your server will blow you away and totally make your night at which point you will feel really good about yourself when you leave a stupidly generous tip. Remember, if you can afford to spend $200 on dinner, you can afford to pay the person that served it to you.