DIRTY ROTTEN BILLINGS, MT

"Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" on tour...

I wake in the middle of the night in my hotel room in Casper. I have the feeling that I am being murdered in my sleep. Someone is driving a knife into my throat. Actually, it turns out to be not a someone, but a something that has invaded my right tonsil and made me feel like I'm swallowing glass. I sleep very little and get up the next morning sounding like James Earl Jones after a night of boozing. I notify stage management that all is not well and put Duff on alert that he may be going on in Billings.

The day doesn't bring much improvement. At our mid-morning rest stop, I wander into the convenience store and am so dizzy I have to hold onto the counter to keep from falling over. By the time we get to Billings I am exhausted, even though I've been lying down for the whole trip. After lying on the hotel room bed for awhile, pounding oil of oregano and trying to find my voice, I make the decision to step out of the show for the night. It is only the second time in over 25 years that I have missed a show and it feels strange. I know I have made the right decision though when walking five blocks to the pharmacy. By the time I make it there, I am so tired that I have to rest before attempting the walk back to the hotel. I feel like an old man.

It's strange to hear all the kids leaving the hotel to do the show while I lay in bed. I decide to go find some soup for dinner since the hotel has no room service. Another short walk and I am once again depleted, but seated in a cozy, trendy restaurant. Their soup of the day is scallops and snow peas in a spicy Asian broth. It is an astoundingly delicious creation. As well, the heat relaxes and warms me and the spice makes my throat feel better. As I finish the soup, I realize that it's eight o'clock. The show has been happening for thirty minutes already. It is very weird to be sitting in a restaurant while my road family is at work. I feel like I'm truant.

I lie in bed, waiting to hear the cast coming back from the theatre. I am desperate to find out how it went. All reports are glowing. Duff did what we all knew he could/would. Duff thanks me for the gift - allowing him to get on stage at least once after understudying so many parts for so long. Everyone carries him off to buy him drinks, I carry myself back to bed.