DIRTY ROTTEN TOLEDO

"Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" on tour...

The drive to Toledo is a long one and, right from the beginning, we know it's going to be a push to get to the theatre. We do not, however, count on having a grand total of fifteen, yes 15 minutes in our hotel rooms before having to board the bus for the theatre. There is food waiting for us in the green room, pizza and lasagna, none of which I can eat but probably wouldn't anyway. On top of being too rushed to feel human, we are also too rushed to be familiarized with our hazardous stage. The floor surface is so slippery that, once again, we are doing Dirty Rotten on Ice.

On top of the skating rink issue, the stage is not level. I don't mean get-your-carpenters-level-out-to-prove-it kind of not level. I mean, when-your-standing-center-stage-you-feel-like-you're-on-a-hillside kind of not level. Under normal circumstances, this is only a minor inconvenience, noticed mostly by the dancers to whom it can present some problems. However, in this show, every single set piece is on wheels. The villa staircase unit, the balcony/hotel suite unit, all the palm trees, the hotel desk, everything rolls. At the end of my balcony scene with K.K., the boys come on stage to turn the balcony unit around for the next scene and, as they walk away, the unit just keeps on drifting. It continues to drift throughout the scene to the point where it is almost sideways on the stage. In another scene, the palm trees are lined up along the back of the stage to provide some colour and depth. For no reason, they begin to migrate toward the middle of the stage during the scene. Those on stage can hardly contain themselves. It's like being in a scene from "Attack of The Killer Tomatoes", but with palm trees. Thankfully, it's a short scene.

After the show we hit the hotel lounge. Sarah receives a phone call and quite clearly becomes very upset. We find out later that her beloved dog has had an accident and the prognosis is not good. Our hearts break for her. This is the hard part of being on the road, being away, being out of touch, being unable to "do" anything. And to top it off, it's her birthday. Thankfully, the next day, some kind of miracle occurs and the situation is greatly improved.

Though we are staying at the Hilton in Toledo, you'd never know it by the clientele. There is a convention of bowlers that come for 3 weekends every year. They are legion. Picture the loudest, fattest, drunkest, stereotypical trailer trash you can, and you'll start to get the picture. I run in to a man carrying a gallon bottle of vodka as I exit the elevator. Some of the cast has to actually elbow their way through the party crowds in the hallways to get to their room. Pembleton tells me that the room next door to him is still going strong (and loud) at 2:30 a.m. We may not often have the chance to say, "I believe we are the classiest people staying in this hotel".