DIRTY ROTTEN BRAMPTON

The morning we leave Flint, MI for Brampton, ON, we are greeted by our new bus driver - Lady D. She has a smile as big as the great outdoors and a sparkling personality to match. We love her immediately. The love affair does tarnish slightly a bit later on as we hit stop-and-go- traffic on the 401. The combination of Lady D getting the feel of a new bus and her aggressive, heavy-footed brake/accelerate technique leaves the majority of the bus severely motion sick. I believe there was even some puking. She was spoken to, in the nicest possible way, and her driving smoothed out. Rumour has it that our old driver, James, or King James as we called him, won't be returning to us. As no one has bothered to confirm or deny the rumour so we feel a little like jilted lovers and can't help but wonder if we hogged the blankets or burned the meatloaf.

The Rose Theatre in Brampton is a cute little place. It feels very tiny to us after playing houses that seat well over 1200 people. The Rose maxes out at 860. The place is only a few years old so nothing looks tired or shabby yet. HOWEVER, I would like to bitch slap the architects. Why, why, oh why do people design theatres when they have no idea what goes on in them. The dressing rooms and the green room are 6 miles from the stage. The last theatre we were in where this was also a problem, it was because of major renovations and space constraints. The Rose is brand new and this flaw is, therefore, unforgivable! Just as unforgivable as putting frosted lights around the make-up mirrors (flattering, yes, but the exact opposite of the stage lighting for which you are trying to do your make-up) and not having a full-length or standing-height mirror (When, Mr. Architect, was the last time you sat down in front of the mirror to put your tie on?).

Our first night audience is like an audience, but smaller. Also quieter. ALOT quieter. In fact, our first show back in Canada sucks. They barely make a sound. We are not impressed. And it only gets worse when we got back to our oh-so-not-with-it Holiday Inn to find that the lounge had closed at 10 pm. Given that there is a statue of Ganesha that greets you as you come in to the main lobby, I can only assume that the owners are Hindu and, therefore, don't understand the concept of a night-cap or alcohol as self-medication. Our next 2 shows are much better with much more responsive crowds. Saturday night is a near capacity crowd.

I had thought that I would have to spend Sunday (day off in Brampton) auditioning for "Moon Over Buffalo" (which I am directing for Drayton in July). But things don't turn out that way so I rent a car and head to Niagara. Being home for 18 hours is odd, but I manage to get some laundry done, re-organize my bags, visit with Pam, scarf down a cheese buffet provided by Katy & Jess (our house sitters) and sleep in my own bed. Michael, who is sick as a dog and already en route to Kentucky is jealous of my quick trip. All I can do is bring him jam.

Now back in Brampton at the Holiday Inn, I wonder what I will do with myself since it's a holiday and everything is closed. Well.....thanks to Pam, I DO have vodka.