America's missing atlas

There is a little known, but serious tragedy stalking our neighbors to the south. It would seem that the cuts to education are deeper and have gone on longer than any of us suspected. I think we all know that education budgets have taken a huge hit in recent years, but I'm starting to wonder if geography was one of the first subjects to go, perhaps as long as 40 years ago.

In my alternate-universe-job as a waiter, I am constantly meeting citizens of Les Etats Loonie who are pleasantly surprised that they don't need to wear the sweaters that they packed. You see, many of these poor things are still labouring (YES, there IS a "u" in laboring) under the delusion that once they cross the border, they will need to get about on cross-country skis from igloo to igloo, hunting down Mounted Police for directions and trading American made blue-jeans for food.

All right, I exaggerate, ...but only slightly. To prove my point, I include the following excerpts from real, live conversations about the mysterious country many find themselves in.
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THEM: Hi. We just checked in. We're from Connecticut? ... ... ... USA?
ME: Yes, I'm familiar with Connecticut. We get quite a few visitors from your neck of the woods here.
THEM: Really?
ME: Yeah. That's most of our tourism here actually.
THEM: We didn't think people would come this far north.
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ME: Would you like to have lunch on the veranda or inside the restaurant?
THEM: Oh, inside please, get away from this Canadian heat wave.
ME: This usually happens every year, it's just a little early this year.
THEM: Early?
ME: Yeah. Usually August is when you pray for rain, or cold. Sometimes September, but usually August. That's what makes it good fruit growing country.
THEM: Really?
ME: Usually.
THEM: Hot? Like this?
ME: Mm-Hmm.
THEM: Every year?
ME: Pretty much.
THEM: Huh.
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THEM: Is your minute the same as our minute?
ME: Sorry?
THEM: Well, you're metric here.
ME: Yes.....?
THEM: So if I put a quarter in the meter, is it the same minute?
ME: ...(stunned silence)
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THEM: I packed all long pants. I figured I was coming up north.
ME: You might need long pants in the spring, but you're pretty safe in June in southern Ontario.
THEM: Still, you know, ....north.
ME:Actually, did you know that you are further south right now that Seattle, Washington?
THEM: No kidding?
ME: True. In fact, you are further south than the entire state of Washington. Further south than Minnesota, most of Wisconsin and both Dakotas.
THEM: Really? I might have to look that up.
ME: You do that. Good luck.
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