I'M WITH STUPID

Ok. So, I have a new favourite stupid question:
"Do you have anything else...like....other than what's on the menu?"
This question was asked AFTER I had told them about the daily specials.

Here are my two possible answers:
1) "If we had anything else, don't ya think we'd have put it ON the menu?"
2) "Yes. Yes we do have other things. But not for you."

As the signature on my email reads now:
"It's not that I think stupidity should be punishable by death, I just think we should take the warning labels off of everything and let the problem work itself out."

IDIOTS WITH PASSPORTS

I have a week and a half left at the restaurant, the weather is cooler, the week-day tourists seem to be fewer, but the general level of stupidity remains at a constant high. I could barely restrain myself the other day when someone said to me, "Sir, are these menu prices in American or Canadian?" Through gritted teeth, I replied, "Funnily enough, when you crossed the border, EVERYTHING became Canadian!!" Also still getting our fair share of French, German and Dutch tourists who seem to be able to read enough english to navigate the menu but can't quite figure out what GRATUITY NOT INCLUDED means.

GIFT CARDS

I just saw an article about the government of ontario planning to legislate the expiration of gift cards. See, most of them expire about 18 months after their purchase date and it would seem that there are soooooo many lazy, empty, stupid, shiftless idiots out there that just can't seem to find the time to spend that money in a mere YEAR AND A HALF !!!!!!!!! JeZuz Bouncy-Balls-Christe people!!! Can't we do ANYTHING without having to have it LEGISTLATED? Get a grip! Someone gives you a gift card, you go redeem the fucker. Live a little. This has nothing to do with consumer protection or anyone's RIGHTS. It has everything to do with turning off the fucking television and going out into the world to actually buy the thing instead of just staying at home and watching pictures of it.

MAKIN' THE DOUGH

I have three weeks left at the restaurant and, due to the fact that tourism has been in the crapper all year, I have to make a WHACK of money in the time I have left. I have set a goal of making $1,000.00 this week...

Also, I've been thinking a lot about our wedding since, for some reason, as the anniversary date approached, the universe conspired to send many bell-laden, horse-drawn wedding carriages down the street in front of the restaurant. Mostly, when I think of that day one year ago, I remember all of the people who came to celebrate with us. It's a memory I'll use, like a warm blanket, for many years.

HALLOWEEN CRAP

I was in the Dollarama today, buying cheap dish cloths, and was sickened by all the cheap Halloween crap. Whole walls and entire aisles have been devoted to plastic buckets, wall hangings, streamers, 'centre pieces', candles, candle holders, bags, and on and on and on.....AND ALL OF IT WILL GET USED ONCE AND THEN GET THROWN AWAY.

Where is the value in any of it? Where is the meaning? What is the reason to have any of it?

We have all been programed by the holiday marketing companies.
"That's it, goood little consumers. Keep buying, now throw it out, now buy some more, now throw it out.....good consumers."

GOD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT

I'm doing a coaching promotion at the local CURVES fitness centre for women. One of the staff members told me that a woman mentioned that she was interested in coaching but didn't feel right about pursuing it because she felt that it was un-christian. UNCHRISTIAN!!!! Her reasoning? Because god has a plan for us and we should let his plan unfold for us rather than trying to live the life we want. How fucking sad is that??? Somebody sold this woman a whole wagon load of snake oil and she bought it all. What I'd really like to explain to her is that radical Muslims who think it's OK to kill her because she's an infidel think that THEIR god has a plan for them too.

WOW. NICE PEOPLE. WHO KNEW?

I haven't made an entry for quite some time, and so this seems, somehow, like a fitting entry to make. Especially since I've been so busy at the restaurant.

I know I complain a lot about the ignorance, rudeness and shear stupidity of people, and for the most part, it's like that every day. But I worked a private function tonight, a wedding rehearsal dinner, and I have to say they were delightful. They were plain folk, mind. Lamb curry scared them and most of them had never seen a chicken crepe, but they were the happiest, most thankful, most polite bunch of people. They made the evening pretty stress-free for my colleague and I. And, the mother of the groom left a super-sized tip!!!!!

I hope they have a fantastic wedding day tomorrow....

and I hope that the rest of the usual suspects that I deal with on a day to day basis continue to be plagued with car trouble and mysterious skin ailments.

NO, PLEASE EAT SOME MORE

I know that I may have mentioned the incredible book "Hungry Planet" that I've been reading. I'm still really enjoying it (and, oddly enough, tend to read it most when I'm eating). However, I just read an essay in it that started my one good foot to steppin' up on my soapbox. The woman who wrote it a professor at USC and heads the Center for Diabetes and Endocrinology at Children's Hospital Los Angeles. She states that "...60 per cent of adults - and 30 per cent of children - are overweight or obese." in the United States. No arguement from me, because I've been throwing swill down in front of them all summer.

However, she then goes on to say, "They are the victimes of a society that does not seem to care, of an economic structure that makes it cheaper to eat fries than fruit, of the food industry and the mass media luring them to consume what they shouldn't." Well.....here's where I have a BIG!!!!!!! problem. Oh dear, poor fat things don't know that one litre of soda a day (average for many people) is making them fat. BULL SHIT!! Which is better for you, an apple or a Big Mac? I refuse to believe that people don't honestly know the answer to that question. THey are not victims of some faceless, nameless society, they are victims of their own laziness and lack of responsibility. They are the same people that sued MacDonalds because the coffee was too hot. You wanted maybe a cold coffee ya dumb, greedy, lazy, fuck? Oh poor you, your diabetes is out of control. Perhaps it's because you haven't eaten anything that was alive since 1964.

I suppose it's good in a way. We don't have to worry about anybody trying to start a war on American soil. We just have to stand quietly by while they eat themselves to death.

Bored of mis-spent money

Took advantage of the $35.00 Equity special and went to see "Lord of The Rings" ("Bored of The Rings?") in Toronto yesterday. Wow. And I say that with all the irony I can load it with. Let me be plain...it's incredibly creative and eye-popping from a technological and design stand-point. Truely stunning and innovative. But less than 30minutes into the show, I already knew that I didn't care about a single, solitary character on the stage. Michael put it most succinctly, "What I'll take away is the amazing technology. I won't remember anything about the show."

And just for contrast, later in the evening, we went to see "An Intimate Evening With Cancer", a one-man show by our friends Bruce & Rebecca. So in a matter of hours we went from a 30 million dollar show to a 300 hundred dollar show, and which one do you think had the most emotional impact for us? The cheaper one, of course.

Fascinating, isn't it?

Sue Me

So I didn't complete my census form in a 'timely' fashion and now I get a letter from the census people THREATENING ME WITH FINES AND IMPRISONMENT. What fucking country is this that we're living in again. Someone please remind me.

Somewhere, waaaaaaayyyyy down on my list of things to do on any given day is an item called 'things to do for the government'. My life and all the things in it have always been and will always be more important than your numbers, programs, policies and demands.

I'LL TAKE

I made an interesting observation today. When ordering food, Americans are mostly prone to saying, "I'll take...." as in, "I'll take a salad" or "I'll take the burger." Interesting that it's not a request, as in, "May I have the burger, please" or even, "I'd like a coffee." They're not so much asking you if you would bring them something, they're telling you what it is that will be theirs.

grammar is fascinating, isn't it?

I'LL TAKE

I made an interesting observation today. When ordering food, Americans are mostly prone to saying, "I'll take...." as in, "I'll take a salad" or "I'll take the burger." Interesting that it's not a request, as in, "May I have the burger, please" or even, "I'd like a coffee." They're not so much asking you if you would bring them something, they're telling you what it is that will be theirs.

grammar is fascinating, isn't it?

ALL NUMBERS ARE AMERICAN

Ok, it's gotten to the point where I can't even be mad at the poor, simple, self-absorbed, ego-centric idiots any more. Now, I just feel sorry for them, for how small their worlds are. Time and time again, when I present the bill to a table, I am asked, "Is this in American?"

"Yes. Yes it is. I immediately sensed, when you walked in, the you were from the greatest and most prominent of all nations. Perhaps it was your carriage, maybe your style, or the quiet grace with which you conduct yourself and possibly the dignity and respect you channel when dealing with others. I sensed all of this and knew that, from that point on, all my dealings with you would simply HAVE to be in a foreign currency. Because, you see, even though you have left your country and entered another, we know where you're from and want you to feel as though nothing has changed. When I presented the bill to the French people who were at this table moments ago, I presented it in French Francs. When I presented the bill to the Japanese family, I presented it already calculated into Yen. Of course, they were surprised and grateful for this automatic conversion because they are not used to ALL numbers being converted into AMERICAN like you are. How great it must be to be you."

Um...................

So......um........ya....................day off.......................................didn't do much...............bought some fabric to make a bathrobe..................picked up my laptop ........................ya.......................drank.............................alcohol I mean.....................watched a movie with Michael.............sigh..............work tomorrow

LISTEN UP, POLLUTERS

Ok people, sit up and pay attention. It's a simple idea. You are in charge of keeping your room tidy. You are in charge of keeping your yard safe and tidy. You are in charge of keeping the planet safe and tidy. Easy, no?

So start thinking about what you buy. No, I mean. THINK!!! Is it over packaged? Then don't buy it! Do you use it once and throw it away? Then don't buy it!. Where do you think all of that stuff goes? INTO SOMEONE ELSES BACK YARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop pretending it doesn't matter. IT DOES MATTER. Stop using your busy life as an excuse. It doesn't matter how busy your life is, you still have a responsibility to clean up after yourself. If you don't think that's true then try this simple exercise:
Every morning, go and take a giant shit in the middle of your living room and then don't clean it up. It's amazing how you'll suddenly start to see waste, pollution and personal responsibility in a whole new light. You could also try this variation: take a giant shit in the bedroom of your children, because that's really what you're doing when you make choices without considering the long term effects they have on the planet.

Got it?

PRIDE.....or not

I spent yesterday afternoon on the rooftop of a Toronto apartment building with friends (and strangers) enjoying the celebration that is The Pride Parade. Turns out I actually know people who have an apartment on Yonge Street. Who knew? Michael and I have never been to Pride together since one of us is usually working somewhere, so this was a great opportunity to hang with fun people and get a great view from a 3rd story roof.

In spite of the fact that the parade itself is just a big party, many of us on the rooftop felt that it started off with a powerful and profound message. One of the very first groups to appear carried a banner which read, “We march for those who can’t.” All the marchers in this group had black gags around their mouths and some carried signs detailing the number of known brutalities committed (often by the government) against people who’s lifestyle was deemed unacceptable in many countries of the world. These brutalities ranged anywhere from loss of civil freedoms to public floggings or executions.

As we stood on that sunny rooftop, sharing jokes, dancing, drinking, eating and shouting our joy, someone, somewhere in the world was suffering simply because of who they are.
Isn’t it staggering that we’re still not done with that idea? The idea that if you’re not like me there’s something wrong with you.

And it's not just "those" people in "those" countries that are responsible for that kind of one-dimensional, small-minded thinking. I'll just be that there's someone very close to you right now who is thinking in exactly the same way.

What are YOU gonna do about it?

WHAT AM I UP TO?

I got an email this morning asking what I was up to, AND I was looking for a way to post some photos of our yard since my mother and I have been emailing about gardening. So....here are some happy summer pictures of just what I've been up to.

Here's Michael on the front porch at sunset in the new chairs he got for his birthday.



Back deck at sunset. Michael's basil & tomatoes on the right, wild flowers and greenery on the left.


Back deck in the morning. My favorite place to do coaching calls.


Fleurs.

I live in an area that is desperate to have visitors.....well, ok, tourists. All the marketing is about getting the tourists. Now, I don't always have particularly nice things to say about tourists when they come here, mostly because they tend to say and do really stupid things. On this occasion, however, they don't even need to come here for me to say mean things about them.

One of the things that gets marketed about this place is The War of 1812. I'd like to address all the would-be travelers who are staying home because the media warned them about possible terrorism and terrorist attacks. I think the next marketing campaign for my area should read...."Dear America....Nothing has blown up here since 1812...and at that point in history, it was YOUR bombs !!!"

Yes, I'd like to offer my personal guarantee that your chances of being injured in a terrorist attack in North America are still only slightly higher than your chances of being elected leader of your country.

In the words of Baz Luhrman..."A life lived in fear is a life half lived."

FATHER'S DAY

What does Dad want for Father’s Day? The traditional cheesy tie? Perhaps a fine bottle of scotch? Golf gear? The newspapers are full of suggestions for all kinds of things that you can buy for Dad. Now, my Dad, like many is difficult to buy for. What he wants, he buys for himself, what he doesn’t want or need, he doesn’t have. (A simple idea, really, that I wish more people would take to heart.)

So, instead of a ‘thing’, I’d just like to tell a story. I’d like to tell a story to let the whole world know what kind of a Dad I have.

I got married last September and, since we wrote our own vows, we decided that it was important to thank our parents for helping us to become the people that we’ve become. After the ‘thank-you’ portion of the vows, we presented each of our parents with a single rose as a symbol of out gratitude. There were a few tears as hugs were exchanged and as I embraced my father, he said to me, “You’re my hero.”

Depending on the dad, you might expect a few different things like a bit of wisdom or advice, maybe a gruff, monosyllabic utterance, or perhaps nothing at all. Out of all the things you might expect, “You’re my hero” is not one of them. Amazing words to hear. Words that make a pretty big impact. Words that demand, however, that I ask a couple of questions.

How can I be your hero when you taught me to build a fire, to drink a scotch, to complete a task? How can I be your hero when you laugh at all my jokes, when I get your unquestioning, unwavering support without ever asking for it? How can I be your hero when you’re my biggest fan?

Maybe we’ll just have to settle for being members of our own mutual admiration society.

I love you, Dad.

HAIR

So, we went to see "HAIR" at CanStage last night and were pretty disappointed. Well, actually Michael was really angry. First big problem, sound. It was terrible. Couldn't understand most of the lyrics half of the time and since the majority of the show is sung that means most of what you need to hear is missing. Second, the direction was so over-done that the pure simple message of the show had a hard time finding it's way through all the gak that got piled on top of it. Basically, over produced, over-directed and, because of the direction, over-acted. Lots of really talented people working waaaaay harder than they have to.

In spite of all this, the show, for me at least, still had some truly compelling moment which I think is a testament to the strength of the piece itself. Some of what it's original intent still survives IN SPITE of the director.

Can we just TELL THE STORY please??!?!?!? Shit! When will directors back off?